A Snake, Helen Keller on The Bachelor, and Pirate Day: The Diary of a Teacher in Rural Utah
Back to school with teaching memories from the first quarter of year two teaching third grade.
Welcome back for year two!
My second year of teaching was different from my first year in several ways. I knew a little more about what to expect when being in a room with 20 eight-year-olds for seven hours. I knew my actual work hours instead of my fantasized ones (I worked between 50-60 hours a week and received only half-pay the previous year because I was an intern). I was hoping I’d be less sick this year as well, but I was not optimistic. During my first year, I had strep throat six times and had my tonsils removed during the summer break. However, I found out I was pregnant in early August, and my nausea was fierce. As previously mentioned in my first teaching article, I was constantly running to the other end of the building (where the only bathrooms were) to throw up or pee. Spoiler alert: I didn’t always make it. I had to think of creative ways to handle my nausea and incontinence. This mostly meant throwing up in a garbage can across the hall (much to the custodian’s chagrin). And wearing industrial-sized pads (I was also petrified my water would break while I taught, so it was a multipurpose pad).
Because I realized how much I enjoyed recording the things my students said, I wrote down a lot more this year. For that reason, the compilation of year two will be divided by quarters.
Before the school year had even started, things were already turning eventful in my classroom:
July 25th, 2014
My six-year-old niece and I were in my classroom preparing for the upcoming year. We were the only ones in the school. My niece was quietly crafting at a table in the front of the room. I looked over and noticed a rattlesnake coiled around a chair in the corner nearest her. I gave a Hollywoodesque gasp and then shrieked. My niece calmly put her hand to her heart and said, “Oh no, is there something on my dress?”
With nothing else to do (in my mind), I called 911, grabbed my niece, and sat on the prep room table in the other building for an hour until two policemen came. Seeing the snake, they decided to call for backup. They then called animal control, who ID’d the snake not as a rattlesnake, but a gopher snake, which mimics the rattlesnake. The custodian, who lives in town, saw the commotion and walked over just as everyone was leaving. When I told her what happened, she said, “Why didn’t you just call me? I would’ve just picked it up and chucked it out the door.” Sighing, she walked out. If you knew the custodian, you would also know that she was completely serious. I put her number on speed dial.
August 19, 2014
And so it begins…
August 19, 2014
While passing out papers:
Me: "When you get this, the first thing you need to do is write your name on it."
Student: "Boy, Mrs. Barrett, you really do have good ideas!"
Well, my young padawan... prepare to be amazed!
August 19, 2014
A former student walked into my classroom quickly and without talking, looking for their desk. Once they realized what they were in the wrong place, they blushed, apologized, and ran out to their fourth-grade classroom.
August 25, 2014
Practicing a fire drill today led to a discussion about funeral arrangements for our class fish.
Student: “But his house is like a force field against fires! He’ll do just fine!”
August 27, 2014
During journal writing time, I play classical music:
Student (walking in): "It always sounds like people are getting married in here!"
September 2, 2014
After recess:
Student: “Teacher! My cat is pregnant! Oh, and my mom is too.”
September 5, 2014
In the morning:
Student: "Mrs. Barrett, one time I had a zit on my chin, kind of like the one you have now, and I picked it off..." (Pauses to demonstrate on her chin).
*Awkward silence*
"Maybe you could do that for yours."
September 5, 2014
To help my students improve their reading fluency, we are holding Jimmy Fallon-style lip-sync battles every Friday afternoon. Today the battles began. For privacy reasons, I cannot show you the incredible spectacle that took place this afternoon, but let me assure you...lots of Frozen songs, as well as performances of Dynamite by Tai Cruz.
September 17, 2014
A student was giving a report on Helen Keller today:
Student: "Helen Keller was the first blind and deaf woman to go on the Bachelor..."
Me (burst out laughing): What??!?
Student: "Yeah, my mom and I looked it up."
Me: "...Oh, do you mean to get a bachelor's degree? Like, go to college?"
Student (confused): "Yes..."
Student 2: "Mrs. Barrett, why were you laughing about Helen Keller going to college?"
September 18, 2014
Today was picture day. I have reminded the students several times and wrote it on the board so they wouldn’t forget.
One of my students came in this morning with an eye patch and a flowy, white shirt.
Student (to the second-grade teacher): "It's Pirate Day in the third grade!"
The second-grade teacher later asked me about it.
Me: "No, I haven't mentioned anything about pirates..."
After talking to the student, who pointed at what I wrote on the board, I realized the miscommunication... "Picture Day”... “Pirate Day.”
The student thought I had been advertising Pirate Day all week long. At least they didn't wear their eye patch when they got their picture taken. To make up for the confusion, I addressed them like a pirate for the rest of the day.
September 22, 2014
Bell rings for recess. 2 students stayed back to help me.
Me: "Okay, I'm cutting you off! You guys need to go to recess. Go play outside!"
Student 1: "No, that's okay. I'm not much of a player."
Student 2: "Are you crazy? (Student 1), you are such a player."
September 25, 2014
As I'm walking in the hall:
Student to Aide: “Do you have your nose pierced?”
Aide: “No…”
Student: “I will never get anything pierced. Unless if I’m in a battle. You know, if I get pierced by a spear.”
October 1, 2014
Student giving a report on Eleanor Roosevelt:
Student 1: "...She ended up marrying a guy named Franklin, who was her cousin... Wait, if you marry your cousin, don't your kids turn out funny?"
Me: "They were distant cousins."
(Class stares in silence)
Me: "Not like, they lived far apart, they were cousins of cousins. They weren't first cousins."
Student 2 (exhales): "Well, that almost got weird."
October 6, 2014
Student says randomly today:
"You should dress your baby as a lamb when it is born."
October 7, 2014
For the past several weeks, I have been feeling so sick (pregnancy). Some days, it's all I can do to roll out of bed and get to school before the bell rings. Friday was like this. No makeup, messy hair, and a green complexion.
Student (walks up to me smiling, sees my face, and stops): "Oh, Mrs. Barrett... I hope you feel bad."
I think she could see that I felt terrible and meant to say, "I hope you feel better." An innocent slip.
Or maybe she was just saying, "I hope you feel bad because there is no other excuse for your appearance."
October 9, 2014
Thanks, LifeTouch, for the awkward photo signs that I will never use. Also, I received 60 photos of myself that some of you may receive as Christmas presents.
October 15, 2014
While doing a reading on manatees:
"...Scientists are still concerned that what is being done to protect the manatees is not enough..."
Student: "Does Mr. Barrett worry about the manatees?"
Me: "Oh yes. All the time," (My husband is a physicist and a materials engineer).
October 15, 2014
This morning pump up brought to you by my class:
Student: "Mrs. Barrett, where are your glasses?"
Me: "I'm wearing my contacts today."
Class (giving me a hearty round of applause): "Yay!!!"
October 23, 2014
I found a letter written to my future child on my floor after school.
End of Quarter One.
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