I want to share my spiritual journey of coming to find Heavenly Mother. Theology surrounding Heavenly Mother wasn’t always considered “fringe,” and it certainly isn’t destined to remain that way. I have had personal and profound experiences that have made Her a necessary component of my worship and a lens through which I view the world.
In no way is my journey complete, and it’s absolutely subject to change. Maybe that’s what She intends; She wants us to find Her in a way that reflects our unique relationship with Her. I will probably present my thoughts on Heavenly Mother on Mother’s Day with about as much finesse as a toddler’s portrait of their mom. Unlike a toddler, whose only weakness lies in a failure of fine motor skills, failing to trace the being their hearts and souls have memorized, I cannot remember ours. I know She is there, and I know She desires a relationship with us.
Although my search for Heavenly Mother began years ago, I first felt a deep connection with Her when my daughter was born. The delivery room was messy, noisy, and perhaps less than ideal for a spiritual experience, but to this day, I have never felt the veil so thin as the moments when my children were born. After that experience, I felt a renewed desire to learn more.
Heavenly Mother is a distinctive belief of the restored Church of Jesus Christ, but we are not the only faith or people to acknowledge a feminine deity. So many others acknowledge Her: Indigenous peoples, Hindus, Buddhists, pagans, ancient civilizations, etc. In more modern times, women’s rights activist Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Catholic theologian Mary Daly, Methodist Biblical scholar Margaret Barker, sociologist Riane Eisler, and author Sue Monk Kidd have all written about Heavenly Mother.
While praying, pondering, and studying these things, I have found that my belief in Heavenly Mother has enhanced and clarified many doctrines. Here are a few examples:
Personal Revelation
In 2018, President Nelson said:
In coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost...You don’t have to wonder about what is true. You do not have to wonder whom you can safely trust… Regardless of what others may say or do, no one can ever take away a witness borne to your heart and mind about what is true...I urge you to stretch beyond your current spiritual ability to receive personal revelation, for the Lord has promised that “if thou shalt [seek], thou shalt receive revelation upon revelation, knowledge upon knowledge, that thou mayest know the mysteries and peaceable things—that which bringeth joy, that which bringeth life eternal.
I took this statement as an exhortation to do whatever it takes to connect to God. Lately, I have found connection to my Heavenly Mother in nature.
Since time immemorial, Her symbol has been a tree, and I see Her there. I imagine Her reaching out to us just as often as the trees extend themselves beyond their roots: the spring blossoms, the summer fruit, the fall foliage. In the winter She reminds me to take time to lay up for myself treasure in Heaven and take time for myself.
I can find a metaphor for every crisis in my life in nature. In elephants that mourn the death of friends and family, in barnacle geese that jump for their lives from high cliffs days after hatching, water bears that can survive the most extreme conditions. I think, somehow witnessing and learning about these natural orders is a gift from Her.
Perhaps nature can instruct us how to receive revelation. Robin Wall Kimmerer, an ecologist, professor, mother, member of the Citizen Potawatomi Nation, and author said:
In nature, there’s no pattern without a meaning. In traditional indigenous communities, learning takes a form that is very different from that in American public education system. Children learn by watching, by listening, and by experience. They are expected to learn from all members of the community… To ask a direct question is often considered rude. Knowledge cannot be taken. It must instead be given. Knowledge is bestowed by a teacher, only when the student is ready to receive it. Much learning takes place by patient observation. Discerning pattern and its meaning by experience… The scientific method I was taught in school is like asking a direct question disrespectfully demanding knowledge, rather than waiting for it to be revealed.
Nature can teach us how to learn differently. Perhaps our timetable is different than God’s not only because time is different to us, but in the modern era of Instacart and Amazon Prime same-day delivery, our understanding of “ask and ye shall receive, knock and it shall be opened unto you”, is more of a “break the door down, take what you want, and leave.” In nature, where time is measured in the gradual transformation of sunrises and sunsets, the phases of the moon, or the growth of a lichen, I feel like my time is synchronizing with Hers. I can stand to wait a little bit longer. On every family nature trip, we begin by corralling kids out the door, yelling at them to put their shoes on, just so we can hurry and get to a place where I invariably ask, “What was the rush?” Could it be I’m slowly obtaining Wisdom? Or perhaps, I am getting to know Her?
Perhaps when John Muir wrote, “The mountains are calling and I must go,” he was feeling that call from his Mother.
Several months ago I was speaking with a friend and telling her how frustrated I was that we have to work so hard to find any information about Heavenly Mother. I was humbled and amazed by her response, “I think it is a blessing. No one tells us who She is. We get to find Her for ourselves.”
Divine Nature
It used to be that the only thing I knew about Heavenly Mother was Her name. A Mother. While this is a noble and glorious calling, does it encompass all of Her duties, Her desires, Her dreams? Do my children encompass all of mine? No.
Motherhood doesn’t only mean giving birth to children, although that is part of it. It is being a creator or founder. Necessity is the mother of invention, Henrietta Lacks is the mother of modern medicine, and Heavenly Mother was an equal co-creator with Heavenly Father in the creation of the universe. The planets, stars, and galaxies. The night and day, time and seasons, minerals and rocks. The lakes, streams, rivers, seas, and oceans. Plants, animals, fungi, and protozoa. My daughter; my sister. My sons; my brothers. My husband, my mother, my father. You and me. All are precious to Her. While Eve was the Mother of All Living, Heavenly Mother is the Mother of All.
Recently my therapist and I were discussing my fear of messing up. We talked about what happens when I do fail. In most moments of any given day, I am usually creating chaos. However, there are a few transcendent moments in which I create matter that was unorganized and purposeless into something organized and purposeful. That is the gift of my divine nature. My new daily mantra is, “I am a creator.”
We are in Her likeness when we have children. But also when we have ideas and execute them or when we develop talents and skills. Or when we learn, when we share, or when by our very influence, we take something resigned to entropy and help it fulfill the measure of its creation. That’s a part of us we all inherited from our Mother.
I love the fourth verse of Ola Harrison’s hymn, Restless Weaver:
Restless Weaver, still conceiving new life – now and yet to be – binding all your vast creation in one living tapestry: you have called us to be weavers. Let your love guide all we do. With your Reign of Peace our pattern, we will weave your world anew.
Agency
In Kate Holbrook’s essay, A Feminist, she writes:
As a child, I had absorbed a definition of the feminine that made a high priority of pleasing men. I deferred to men’s opinions even when a voice inside me suspected they were wrong. But—and this made it a little easier—when they were wrong, I wasn’t culpable because I had done the right thing in deferring to them. Feminism pulled me into a higher accountability, insisting that I had choices and I was responsible for them. Feminism also gave me a sense of mission. I saw how women were vulnerable and had been short-changed. I wanted what was best for women, because I thought that was ultimately best for men and children as well…
My new, feminist, increased understanding of personal accountability made me feel like a better Latter-day Saint. Agency was a core gospel teaching, and there were times that I had cheated it. Thinking through the conditions that most help women to realize their potential, I saw how my religious upbringing contributed to this process…
I hadn’t dismissed agency before, but now I really embraced it. My salvation was up to me. My ability to do good in the world depended on me. My happiness, well, it was mine to choose. I felt and thought that these changes made Jesus happy.
Being a woman in a patriarchal Church has been challenging for me at times. I have felt mixed messages on various policies and scriptural interpretations. With the knowledge of a self-actualized Heavenly Mother who cares what I think and feel; how I act, influence, and inspire, I feel comforted that those policies will one day change, or that my heart and mind will expand to understand why they are the way they are. In the meantime, I do not and should not need a man to do any of my spiritual legwork. I should do it on my own. I need not wait to be told what to do. If I am actively pursuing a relationship with my Heavenly Parents, desiring to do Their will, I will be guided. At the end of the day, I will be judged for my works and my desires, not the desires of someone else.
Equality and Progression
One of the names of God in Hebrew is Elohim. The -im in Hebrew is like the -s in English; it is a pluralizer. I like to interpret Elohim as a reference to the unified partnership of the Father and the Mother. They are one and the same, unified in purpose, power, and glory. I know that one day I will be a god, equal in power, glory, and might to my partner. When I see God in the scriptures, I see Him and Her together. When I refer to God, I refer to Them.
A 1905 article in the Deseret News said that not only would the truthfulness of the doctrine of a Mother in Heaven be eventually accepted by the world, but that “when fully realized, the perfect ‘emancipation’ and ennobling of woman [would] result.”
In the speech given by Matti Horne Tinget about Heavenly Mother in 1893, she discussed the significance of the doctrine of Heavenly Mother:
Let woman prepare herself to stand side by side, shoulder to shoulder with her husband in all the affairs of life, to be a wise counselor and helpmeet unto him, as her Creator designed she should be; let mothers impress upon their children the principles of justice and equal rights, and the women of the next generation will not have to beg and plead for what rightfully belongs to them.
Why is it that today there is so much broader a view taken of woman’s position than before? Because woman herself is beginning to feel that she is an intelligent, responsible being, with a mind capable of the highest intelligence, with talents that it is her duty to develop and use for the advancement and elevation of the human family. This feeling is gradually but steadily growing; it is being felt throughout the world, and it will continue to grow until it becomes a power in the earth.
I believe an increased knowledge and relationship with Heavenly Mother has facilitated this change. My expanding comprehension of divine equality has informed my conversations with my husband, especially when it comes to dividing the labor in our home. Beyond that, it has informed my decisions to listen to and help the marginalized in my community and attain true equality through policies that promote equity and empowerment.
Apostasy
The Eighth Article of Faith states that we believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly. The translation of an ancient document, it turns out, is complicated, but there is evidence that the Bible has been heavily edited and rewritten several times. A very significant time of rewriting occurred during the reign of King Josiah.
Margaret Barker, among other biblical scholars, posits that Heavenly Mother once was a prominent part of ancient temple worship. There were attempts to remove Her from the temple until finally, King Josiah purged the temple in 623 BCE. The Babylonians destroyed Jerusalem a few years later. Refugees from Josiah’s purges and the Babylonian war took with them memories of the Mother who had protected them. Jeremiah 44:17-18 describes some refugees in Egypt who blamed the destruction of Jerusalem on Josiah removing the Mother from the orthodoxy:
We will certainly do everything we said we would: We will burn incense to the Queen of Heaven and will pour out drink offerings to Her just as we and our ancestors, our kings and our officials did in the towns of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem. At that time we had plenty of food and were well off and suffered no harm.But ever since we stopped burning incense to the Queen of Heaven and pouring out drink offerings to Her, we have had nothing and have been perishing by sword and famine.
Though it is not a teaching of our church, and the evidence isn’t definitive, Barker’s theory resonates with me. According to her, the Babylonian invasion and destruction of Jerusalem directly result from an apostasy of Heavenly Mother. Just as any apostasy keeps us from progressing, a disconnected relationship with Heavenly Mother prevents us from fully understanding our potential as children of Heavenly Parents.
Scriptures
Despite so much of Heavenly Mother being written out of scripture, the New Testament has brought me relief because I find Her in Christ, the perfect embodiment of His Father and His Mother.
In these examples, Christ and Isaiah use feminine metaphors that appeal to the Mother within Him:
“As a hen gathers her chicks under her wings” (Luke 13:34, Matthew 23:37).
"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!” (Isaiah 49:15)
At the last supper, when Christ says, “Take, eat: this is my body, which is broken for you” (1 Corinthians 11:24). As a mother of three children, I have lived these words in profound ways. When I consider the fields that are plowed, the rivers and streams we drink from, I know Mother Earth has lived them as well.
There are more examples of Heavenly Mother in the text, especially when we liken Her to trees: the Tree of Life, The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, Christ being nailed to a tree, the Allegory of the Olive Tree, Gethsemane, the Sacred Grove, etc.
I find Her in secular texts and settings too. I find her in music and in art. In conversations and in books. Just the other day, I read the following paragraph in a cookbook by Sahara Rose Ketabi:
Shakti is feminine life force. It’s the energy that moves through us, making us feel alive, luminous, and vibrant. While Shiva (masculine energy) observes, Shakti creates. She is the process of intention to formulation to expression. Without her, there would be no life. This rose cardamom latte brings all her divine qualities out to dance.
The idea of the Feminine Divine being a creative energy and the Masculine Divine being an observational energy brings an interesting perspective to the Genesis creation story. Especially when we think of phrases like, “And God saw that it was good” (Genesis 1:31).
Restoration
In her essay, The Mormon Concept of a Mother in Heaven, Linda P. Wilcox recounts a third-hand account of an experience related by Zebedee Cotrin:
One day the Prophet Joseph asked him and Sidney Rigdon to accompany him into the woods to pray. When they had reached a secluded spot Joseph laid down on his back and stretched out his arms. He told the brethren to lie one on each arm, and then shut their eyes. After they had prayed he told them to open their eyes. They did so and saw a brilliant light surrounding a pedestal which seemed to rest on the earth. They closed their eyes and again prayed. They then saw, on opening them, the Father seated upon a throne, they prayed again and on looking saw the Mother also; after praying and looking the fourth time they saw the Savior added to the group.
The Ninth Article of Faith states, “We believe all that God has revealed, all that [S]He does now reveal, and we believe that [S]He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.” The Gospel of Jesus Christ has been and is continuing to be restored. Inspired by Malachi 4, I believe the hearts of the mothers are turning to their children and the hearts of the children are turning to their Mother. My search for Heavenly Mother began about a decade ago and it has only intensified. As I discuss Her with other friends, I have discovered similar experiences with them. I believe She is coming back and worship of Her will be restored. She is stirring the hearts of Her daughters and Her sons to remembrance.
Prayer
President Hinckley taught that we should only pray to Heavenly Father. For a long time, that idea was a personal roadblock to praying to both of my Heavenly Parents. My desire to speak to my Mother, however, did not dissipate, so I would find loopholes to talk to Her. I would start my prayer as if on a phone call to Heavenly Father and ask Him to “put the prayer on speakerphone” so Heavenly Mother could hear. After a while, I started saying, “Dear God” as if the ambiguity was uncontroversial, but wink-wink, They knew what I meant. I still pray “Dear God” in public, but I pray to my Heavenly Parents in private. As a friend recently put it, she prays like she’s on the couch having a conversation with her parents. My relationship with my Mother hasn’t taken away anything from my relationship with my Father; it’s enhanced it.
In her book, Gathering Moss, Robin Wall Kimmerer says,
In indigenous ways of knowing, all beings are recognized as nonhuman persons. And all have their own names. It is a sign of respect to call a being by its name. And a sign of disrespect to ignore it. Words and names are the ways we humans build relationships.
It is a sign of respect to not only mention our Heavenly Mother in conversation, but to learn Her names and speak of Her as if She is not a superficial emblem, but a glorified being with perfected personhood. According to ancient Biblical scholars, She is Asherah, Wisdom, Elat, Eloah. She is the Lady, the Weaver, El Shaddai, the Great Mother, Queen of Heaven. To others, she is Mother Earth or Mother Nature. She is the Tree.
In closing, I’d like to share the poem, Does it Matter? by Carol Lynn Pearson:
If we knock at the door
Of our theology and ask for Mother
And the doorman says, “Who?”
Does it really matter
For God’s in His heaven
All’s right with the world.
If we knock at the door of etymology
And ask for Mother, an ancient voice
Recites the kinship of words:
Mother is matter
And matter is the basic structural
Component of the universe.
Mother is matrix
And matrix is the field
The web that holds.
Mother is material
And material clothed
You and me and the mountain.
Is it immaterial, then, the lack of knowing
The One who materialized all?
This I know:
While God is not in Her heaven
Not all’s right with the world.
Until this matter of our Mother is settled
The inhabitants of the earth will remain uneasy
Will look at each other, women and men
Without full reverence
Will feel somehow that we are
Looking at the heavens with one eye blind
Will feel that the foundation of the house
Is off kilter
Will know, with a deep unease
That something—something
Is the matter.
I think the Church has a complex relationship with Heavenly Mother. Whether it’s perceived issues with the Godhead, a fear of losing our monotheistic classification, fear of yet another reason not to fit in with the Evangelical Christians, the false notion that she is “too sacred to talk about” or that “Heavenly Father is protecting Her,” whatever the reason, the result is a general tendency within the Church to tokenize Her. It seems Heavenly Mother is only acknowledged only when it's convenient-- in Young Women’s themes or when placating an audience of women. In searching for Her in the past, I stumbled upon old quotes from General Authorities quotes unequivocally conceding the truism of Her existence while generally skipping over Her when listing the members of the Godhead or when reminding a general audience they are children of just a Heavenly Father.
Fortunately, my personal journey can be different from the journey of the institutional Church, so I am striving to do more than simply acknowledge Her existence. I am trying to cultivate a relationship with Her. This cultivation requires real work. I can’t stumble into a vineyard that has been neglected for millennia and expect perfect fruit. It takes diligence and effort. I’ll have to dig about the trees with soil of belief, cut away my neglect and prune mistaken priorities, graft in branches of inspiration from various sources, and actually nourish the trees. The goal is to cultivate a vineyard that not only produces good fruit, bringing us closer to the Savior, but gives us eternal life. The more connected I feel to Her, the more grounded I feel within myself and the more grace I feel for my existence.
I feel a deep need to put God in Her heaven and in my worship. I am still not fully sure how to do that, but I have faith that She will teach me. “If any of you lack Wisdom, let her ask of God who giveth to all women liberally and upbraideth not and it will be given her. If eternal life is to know God, and this life is the time for us to prepare to meet God, we’d better get started.
This was so beautiful and poignant. Thank you so very much!!
I just read this for the first time. Thank you Erika, for your well-researched, thoughtful, and eloquent tribute to our Heavenly Mother. I've pondered on the commandment "Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother that thy days may be long on the earth...". In a loving earthly family with two parents, do children go home and only talk to one parent, not even acknowledging the other? Of course not. Would I do that to my Heavenly Mother? I can't bear the thought of such disrespect. And so, for many years, my personal prayers have been addressed to My Dear Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother. I'll be 60 this year. I feel closer to God. And I wonder if our world condition will improve, and indeed our days may again be long in the land, as Heavenly Mother is honored as we've been commanded by our Heavenly Father.